The Broken Glass

I have been feeling extremely down of late. It took me a while to actually be able to express all this down, after my first post almost a month ago. It's probably to do with me being so exhausted after a couple of business trips in May and June, and the fact that I am constantly overwhelmed with the need to make up lost time with my son, and worrying endlessly if I managed to make up the lost time at all. Even the effort to push away thoughts of guilt of having to leave him too often is already exhausting enough, leaving me restless all the time. 


But most of all it has to do with the emotional turmoil that rumbles within me recently, having to go through extreme disappointments with a couple of friends whom I considered dear in my life. This is quite an experience for me as I have never been the type who favours and deals well with conflicts amongst friends, but somehow the recent betrayal and horrible experience I went through really shook me & made me realize how fragile a friendship is. Seriously, the years of friendship and trust can easily be destroyed by a single act of thoughtless and reckless betrayal. I will not dwell on the facts of what actually happened here, but suffice to say that I have lost absolute trust in one of my dear friend (whom I still befriend until now, god knows why), and also the fact that I have ACTUALLY LOST another dear friend due to my own decision to end the friendship I had with her as I could not with my life accept her actions of late (which saddens me & breaks my heart & I have been mourning about it for months but I doubt she realizes that anyway).


Which brings me to this conclusion – friendship is made of glass. It is fragile, it is beautiful if you hold on to it with much care, mould it and shape it with love, sincerity, & tenderness. Over years, as people become too familiar with one another, we become careless and we forget to hold on to it as much cautiousness as we used to. And that is when slowly our grip to the fragile piece of glass becomes loose and our fingers slowly let go of it one after another. Until finally one day we forget who our real friends are, and we let go of the glass and it crashes. Leaving it fractured, shattered, and sometimes irreparable. And that’s when you realize it’s already too late and the glass remains a broken glass. Sigh.


But hey life goes on, I wish the two of them well, but what’s more important is that I must ensure that I go through this with spirits unbroken. Yes I’m deeply sad of what has happened, but there are others who needs me and consider me important in life. Most of all I have learnt that I only have a handful of friends left whom I can depend with my life, and those are the ones I must cherish & be grateful for.


And oh – I never realized I can be such a crybaby too over this. So much for being a gung-ho on the surface :P

There's always a first time for everything

Apparently it is my first time to try myself at blogging. Have always wanted to try it out..I mean, considering the fact that I used to have this sort of passion for writing and expressing myself better in written words, and had this sorta foolish dream that i wanted to be a writer someday when i was waaaaaay younger years ago. i remember how i used to spend endless hours pouring my thoughts into my stacks of diaries, and the pages of scribbles in a thick notebook with characters i virtually stole from my endless supplies of 'Sweet Valley Twins' & 'Sweet Valley High' (god how many trillion years ago was that again??). But somehow i pause at the thought of writing in a blog. I don't know why. Maybe because with a blog, your thoughts are instantly 'published'. And it's like exposing yourself to the world. And i AM a private person.


But hey - a nice dinner i had with an old girlfriend last night actually made me revisit the intention to write again. It's nice to have someone to tell you that it's ok to give it a try, and she'll be the first to follow the piece. A simple encouragement that actually nudged me to give it a try.


So we'll see how it goes. I don't specifically have any topic or theme or whatever it is you call it to focus on..i just thought that i'll make it simple, and have this as an avenue for me to share my thoughts, my dreams, and my experience - with everyone. Wish me luck!