Life's Lil Dramatic Decisions - Domestic Chores over Corporate Ladder

photo credits from google

It has been quite a while since I penned down my thoughts here. Have been dying to do so but my health was so bad as of late and I really need my dosage of deprived sleep for the past few weeks. Come to think of it I have been deprived of sleep for 32 long years – that’s how bad my sleeping habit is, as pointed out by dear Mr Pedro.

As we speak about this, I am reminded by my recent decision to turn down 3 great job opportunities from 3 really great organizations; a decision which I took much to my own surprise. As it is I am going through that love-hate relationship with my current job which usually ends up with me vowing to storm off the office and tendering my resignation the next very minute; but I am then reminded by my endless commitments & bills that I have to pay, and the fact that I do love what I do,  irritated or not.

The offers that came in were really good, and I was tempted to just take the challenge and accept the best from all 3. But when the time came for me to really decide, I was surprised of the fact that I actually hesitated. And I started to question myself – is this what I really wanted? I began to ponder on my priorities – and on reality. Do I really need this? All these processes of starting everything from zero - creating new networks, creating new first impressions, climbing that exhausting ladder to the top. Do I really have the energy to go through all that when I can hardly make myself survive my days in my current office? I currently have a good team and excellent internal & external network contacts built over years of partnerships, collaborations, most importantly, trust. And even with all that support (not to mention the fact that I am granted with the flexibility of making my own decisions) – I still groan & moan about my current job. How ungrateful we humans can be, sometimes.

And so after much hesitation, and deliberation, I finally made the big decision and declined all 3 offers.  For a moment I sat quietly and waited for that flash of regret where I’ll start panicking and begging to retract my decisions. But I didn’t feel any remorse. No regrets, no doubts, no misgivings. And that was when I knew I took the right choice. And as I ponder deeply into this, I realized that I have changed over time, and that I am no longer that girl who dreamed high and far in this crazy, corporate world. I still love what I do and I have years of treasured experience that have carved and built me the person I am now; however I now have other priorities in my mind. Like Kimy, for instance. And the urge to try other things – like writing, or cooking. I am known for my lack of skills in the kitchen (only!) – but I recently spent endless hours in the kitchen trying out recipes and found myself actually enjoying it very much. For the first time this year, I actually made some dessert for my mom & and MIL for our raya feasts – which I never in my life imagined I would ever successfully do before I reach my golden years. Good job, Hilda!

And my health – yes, the fact that I have been so unwell for the past couple of months, is really scaring me. The whole situation puzzled me so much as I don’t find anything wrong with me physically, but I have been feeling so, well, unwell. Endless feelings of exhaustion, lack of energy, and the fact that it takes weeks for me to recover from all these – have been a very frustrating experience. I am forced to take better care of myself – early bedtime, eat well (all meals – no diets ok?), no gym for the time being (doc advised me not to exert myself), and no office work after office hours (duh). Conclusion – rest and more rest! I feel officially 50 at the moment, when I am only 32-bloody-young-years-of-age! Sigh.

But things have slowly improved – especially after I exercised most of what the doc advised me to do and after gagging over some horrible medicines. And also after I made sure I don’t think so much about work, and focused my mind over more amusing things – like rambling endlessly in this blog, or trying out more recipes, or obsessing over the latest trends from the fashion magazines. Which also reminded me, yup, I really made the right decision when I decided to just stick with whatever I have now, and just be thankful with all the perks that I’m enjoying with my current job. You might say I’m complacent, but hey, a girl has a right to be complacent when she’s just too tired to take on more stuff on her plate.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to google that pasta recipe which I salivated over while watching Masterchef US a few nights ago.